A sad man has written a book on how to persuade women to get boob jobs

211

Ivan and Victoria – what a pair of tits (Picture: Ruaridh Connellan / Barcroft)

Give us strength.
A 59-year-old from Florida, USA, has become a hero for creeps the world over, after writing a book detailing how you can persuade your partner to get a boob job.
Ivan wrote The Convince Her To Get Bigger Breasts Manual in collaboration with his partner Victoria, who has gone from a size 26D to a 26K, and claims that boasting your boobs is a great way to boost your confidence, saying: ‘As your breasts get bigger, your self esteem as a woman goes up too – you feel sexy and in the game.’

You probably won’t be surprised to hear that Ivan has drawn on personal experience to write his tome.
He explained: ‘When I bought the subject up with my first wife, I bombed completely… But I realised over time that I hadn’t sold the concept properly – that was the genesis of the idea for the manual.’

Ivan has written the book from personal experience (Picture: Ruaridh Connellan / Barcroft Media)

Since splitting up with his first wife, Ivan has persuaded a number of other partners to go under the knife (what a champ), and has been with fellow big boob enthusiast,47-year-old Victoria, since 2010.

Ivan may have been divorced twice, but he believes that his manual has helped save countless relationships.
He explained: ‘I received an email from a reader recently who was actually thinking of leaving his wife because he was so frustrated about her being flat chested.
‘I can understand how shallow that would seem, but when you’re going to be with somebody for 40 or 50 years, should you really resign yourself to a sex life that’s not satisfying.’

The couple live in Florida, USA (Picture: Ruaridh Connellan / Barcroft Media)

And although Ivan is the first to admit that the attraction of big breasts is largely sexual (he claims they make sex ‘transcendental’), he also claims there are lots of other benefits, joking: ‘The money we spent on breast augmentations for Victoria has been repaid in her not getting speeding tickets.’
Ha, ha, ha *bangs head on desk*

Ivan and Victoria are very proud of their book… and Victoria’s tits (Picture: Ruaridh Connellan / Barcroft Media)

But before we totally condemn him, Ivan isn’t a complete berk. He is at least a gentleman, and insists on footing the bill for his perversions partner’s breasts, and has so far spent $20,000 on boob jobs for his ladies.
He explained: ‘It’s typical that the gentleman pays for dinner and pays for breast augmentations.
‘She does the work in carrying around the extra weight, so it seems only reasonable that I would pay for it.’

Victoria believes having bigger boobs makes women feel more confident (Picture: Barcroft)

Meanwhile Victoria, a true feminist hero, had these words of encouragement for any silly women who thought they might like to make up their own minds about how they look: ‘I think it’s wrong for women not to pander to their men. If they feel like their husbands prefer blondes, I think you should be blonde. If you like bigger breasts, why not?’
She went on: ‘Why not give in to their fantasies or desires? It’s really a fairly easy surgery and not expensive, so why not?’

Their book has sold depressingly well so far (Picture: Ruaridh Connellan / Barcroft Media)

Most worryingly of all, the book has already sold 3,500 copies worldwide.
So, you know, we’re basically all f***ed.