Sometime we ladies think it’s easy dating/marying an intelligent, educated professional. We easily get attracted to the power suits but forgetting we are dealing with people who will read and think 5 steps ahead of any step we take. They are more difficult to be manipulated, lied to, fooled or cheated on because they apply their skills, training, technology and savvy to the relationship. My hubby who’s an internet security expert shocked me one day when he logged in and showed me all my chats on Whatsapp and Facebook for the past one year. I was very embarrassed, and thanked God we have such a good rapport and I didn’t upload anything unbecoming. That day I learned that ‘delete’ does not mean ‘wipe’ in IT.
Here are some help to manage your educated professional man better:
1. Report Yourself: Just assume he knows or one day will find out everything you did or doing, especially if he is the technology savvy type. Therefore learn to either report yourself with humor or respect yourself before you are shocked like me. Never assume your
chats are not being read. In IT it's called 'footprints'. There are software out there that can monitor ur IT footprints. Just let him know there's this faceless seriousness person u chat with sometime. It's better than being busted.
2.The talking ones are far better than the quiet ones. You have to understand that both are intelligent otherwise they won’t be where they are today. But we ladies are attracted to quiet, calm men during dates but we forget that back in the house that also means that you can never tell what he has in mind or what he’s thinking. I prefer those who talk. They are livelier and easier to predict. You know when there’s trouble or not.
3. Research your words carefully before you use them: What you think they mean may not mean what you think. They may also mean different things in different areas. It’s popular for girls in Nigeria to use the phrase ‘I need a break’ erroneously thinking it means they need to slow down the tempo of the relationship. In USA and elsewhere it’s a coded word to communicate you want to either end the relationship, or you want to start seeing other men. Once you use that phrase it’s difficult to come back again because it looks like you’ve gone to oil your grove and now want to come back. It’s always better to have a discussion on what you want in a relationship than using this borrowed phrases on smart people.
5. Don’t demand honesty rather demand respect. Honesty ends a relationship, it’s respect that keeps it going. There is no honest man in a relationship. Honest people are blunt people. 80% of ladies cannot handle blunt people except you want someone who will tell you bluntly one hot afternoon that you are smelling…LoL! Respect is being mindful what he does or doesn’t do in your presence and to your knowledge; being mindful how he addresses you when he’s upset. It’s respect that keeps a relationship going and not honesty. Stop harping on you want him to be honest. If he respects you other things will fall in.
6. Seek for happiness and not his wealth. People accumulate money hoping they can use it to buy happiness. If you have a very funny man who keeps you happy and makes you laugh for hours, you are getting the same feeling (if not better) that a wealthy man tries to get by drinking expensive wines with you, or taking you on a vacation to a beach island just to be happy for a moment. There are many things money can’t buy otherwise millionaires won’t be committing suicide. If a man can make you happy without spending, why cry for those who will spend to achieve same goal.
7. You can be tough and still be soft. Simply stop yelling and stop arguing with him. Let him yell, that’s what they do in soccer and football fields. Ladies don’t yell. Have your unique way to get his attention or communicate you are upset. Don’t just yell because your friend, Jane, yells. Be unique in certain ways by developing your own brand. I have the habit of sitting quietly at the corner of the couch or lying on the bed reading my bible or a novel when I want to let him know I’m upset. He gets the message and will almost, always come to sit or lie next to me. I achieve the same thing people who yell achieve.
8 Don’t drag your silent treatment. Don’t let it ever go beyond 4-6 hrs. The idea of silent treatment is to communicate your displeasure, once he gets the message end it. Some women have destroyed their relationships and marriages by prolonging ‘silent treatment’. When you create avoid you give room for another woman. Be careful.
9. Be Content: I laugh when ladies say they are independent women yet turn around to say they ended a relationship because a man was not giving them money. An independent woman works for her own money. Do you know that men who give ladies money don’t respect women? They don’t see ladies as partners rather they see themselves as the boss who needs to take care small or needy women. Gifts are ok ( I don’t care how expensive) but as long as you keep asking for transport fare, money to buy food and clothes you are needy and a servant to the boss; you will never get that respect you deserve.
10. Be versatile. Be current in your field and world events so you can converse intelligently. Pick up books and read so you can fit into professional and academic discussions. Some of our sisters are just lazy. Some have never opened a book to read for the past 2 years. I laughed when a lady who introduced herself as an English major kept mute all evening when we hung out with our men and their buddies. She looked like a village girl coming out for the first time because she didn’t know what to contribute to the discussions.
11. Don't give room to suspicion. Don't do things that can kill trust and the respect he has for you. Once the trust is dead, the relationship is either in trouble or over. Negotiate what you want. If you want to date non-exclusively till he marries you, discuss it that you don't wanna put all your eggs in one basket. He should make up his mind fast or allow you to have 'bench-warmers' (chikers). It's better than cheating, sneaking around and being creepy. When you get exposed, normally you lose respect and lose both men.
